


look so perfect (standing there)

by Garbage_Shipper



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Avoided Apocalypse AU, Background Diego Hargreeves/Eudora Patch, Background Luther Hargreeves/Allison Hargreeves, Eudora Patch is Alive, Five is 16 body wise, Fluff, Implied Ben Hargreeves/Dave Katz, Klaus Hargreeves is a little shit, M/M, Mentioned Hazel/Agnes Rofa, Mute Allison Hargreeves, Protective Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Pseudo-Incest, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Underage Relationship(s), no betas we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 14:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18830779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garbage_Shipper/pseuds/Garbage_Shipper
Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a time travelling assassin in possession of a glitter-covered séance, must always wear his sweater without complaint.





	look so perfect (standing there)

**Author's Note:**

> This Universe is based on pupeez4eva's The Consequences of Going too Far. You don’t need to read to understand but you should check it out anyways because it’s amazing.
> 
> Also, the Klive-Haven Discord Server and Jess inspired this. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy Jess.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a time travelling assassin in possession of a glitter-covered séance, must always wear his sweater without complaint.

 

Not that Klaus noticed at first. The first few sweaters were just genuinely bad due to being new at knitting.

 

It wasn't until Diego has decided to say something about the hot pink bedazzled sweater he had made and he’d seen Five’s reaction to it that he realized what was going on.

 

Which was sweet of Five. Although he could have done without Luther putting on full tactical gear and hog-tying him while everyone ran to the surveillance room. Even Mom and Pogo!

 

Which okay he kinda understood after the Luther incident but still!

 

“Babe, you're getting blood on your sweater.”

 

Klaus had to admit that Five immediately dropping Diego was cute and well. He was a little shit okay. He wanted to see how far he could take it.

 

So yeah. He decided that Christmas was the perfect time for this matching ugly sweaters for the entire month to see who would crack first.

 

Dolores said Luther but Klaus wasn't sure Diego would be able to hold his tongue.

 

Allison, Vanya, Pogo and Mom weren't even up for debate since they either wouldn't see the problem or were smart enough to not say anything.

 

(Ben would but Five couldn't see him most of the time so it would thankfully not be a problem.)

 

He started off small. An obnoxiously bright red sweater with a metallic gold spelling out Naughty on one and Nice on the other.

 

“What is that?” Eudora asked in shock.

 

Klaus grinned at her eyes darting over to Diego’s cringing face. “Do you like? I made them for me and Five. Obviously, I’m Nice and he’s Naughty”

 

He noticed Allison slipping between Luther and Diego resting her hands on them while Vanya cut in.

 

“I think you guys look great. It’s kinda cute.”

 

Klaus caught Mom and Pogo out the corner of is eyes motioning to Eudora as he answered. “Thanks. I’ve got matching sweaters for every day until Christmas. So I have plenty more to come.”

 

And, well, if he enjoyed the look of anguish that flashed across everyone’s face but Mom’s and Five’s well that was no one’s business but Klaus’.

 

* * *

 

 

“What do you think Dolores.”

 

…

 

“Honestly I don’t see what the problem with it is. Klaus made it.”

 

…

 

“Yeah, he’s made more. One for each day leading up to Christmas. He also made some things for you too.”

 

…

 

“Trust me you’ll love it. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

“You can not say anything ok. I’ve got 20 bucks on Diego craking first and you can’t mess that up.”

 

“Did you forget that the bet was made with a mannequin? Dolores doesn’t have money. She’s not even real!”

 

“Don’t let Five hear you say that. He may figure out a way to kill you again.”

 

“Yeah okay fair.”

 

“Soooo, how are things going with you and Dave?”

 

“I SWEAR TO GOD KLAUS I WILL KILL YOU!!”

 

“But it’s adorable!”

 

* * *

 

“Please don’t say anything about the sweaters Klaus makes.”

 

“It was bad.”

 

“It was but Five is…”

 

“Totally psychotic and might attack us?”

 

“Now sweetheart it’s not that bad. Five is simply protective of Klaus.”

 

“Yes, Mom.”

 

_‘Just don’t say anything. It probably won't end well for any of us.’_

 

“Yes, it would be nice to enjoy a Christmas with us all in one piece.”

 

* * *

 

The whole thing blew up about two weeks in.

 

He’d lost the bet when Luther decided that he couldn’t take it anymore and asked, “Are you making these monstrosities on purpose?”

 

Klaus couldn’t entirely blame him he’s wearing sweater with Santa’s face asking ‘Where’s my Ho at?’ while Five’s said ‘I’m the Ho.’ But the fear that passed over everyone's face was beautiful.

 

Five narrowed his eyes on Luther. “I’m sorry what did you just say?”

 

Diego jerked up gabbing Mom and Eudora probably intending to get them both out of the house because Five just picked up a vase and threw if at Luther.

 

Allison showed a piece of paper to Pogo and Vanya passed him muttering “And you all thought I was going to cause the apocalypse.”

 

He giggled as he sat down next to Dolores helping himself to a piece of cake as Five Jumped into the air holding Luther before dropping him.

 

“You have to stop him, Klaus.”

 

Klaus shared a look with Dolores before shaking his head. “Nah. He deserves it!” He leant over as Luther flew past him and into the wall. “Besides I don’t want to interrupt Five’s fun.”

 

“Dammit, Klaus! I don’t want to spend an eternity with Luther!”

 

He pursed his lips. “Well I’d say no one deserves that but you’ve spent over ten years lecturing me on anything and everything. Sooooo.”

 

Klaus grinned at Ben’s expression and the sound of breaking glass.

 

“Okay, Klaus how about this? If he dies _you_ have to deal with him for an eternity.”

 

…

 

“Aw fuck!”

 

“That’s what I thought. NOW STOP YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!”

 

Klaus left his spot and walked behind Five who was beating Luther’s face in with a book.

 

“Alright, Babe. I think he’s learned his lesson.”

 

Five glanced up. “Are you sure? You put in a lot of effort into these sweaters. They should be appreciated.”

 

“I’m sure Five. I don’t believe that he will be saying anything about my sweater again.” He grinned at his lover and lowered his voice to something just slightly husky. “Besides, Santa needs to help his little ‘Ho’ change his outfit. Right?”

 

Five’s pupils dilated and he wrapped his arms around Klaus’ shoulders grinning as he responded, “Of course,” and then Jumped them to his bedroom.


End file.
